I Love Jesus, but My Attitude Needs an Adjustment.

I love Jesus. Let’s establish that before my attitude enters the conversation.

I want to walk with God, grow in my faith, and stay dedicated. I also sometimes come home from work wanting complete silence, no decisions, and for my brain to stop holding meetings nobody scheduled.

Apparently, it has several concerns. And it would like to discuss all of them at bedtime.

It’s hard to stay motivated. It’s hard to stay on track. You mean to read your Bible, but first you sit down for “just a minute.”

Forty-five minutes later, you’re watching somebody pressure-wash a driveway.

Do I know these people? No.
Is their driveway any of my business? Also no.
Have I finished my Bible reading? Let’s not get personal.

That’s what I mean when I say, “I am a struggling Christian.”

Struggling with these things doesn’t automatically mean we aren’t saved. There’s a battle between wanting to follow God and our flesh wanting whatever is easiest, most comfortable, or least likely to interrupt our plans.

Paul understood that struggle:

“For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.”
Romans 7:19, KJV

In plain words: I know what I should do. I want to do it. And somehow, here I am doing the opposite.

So this isn’t a new problem I personally invented. Lovely to know. Still inconvenient.

That doesn’t give me an excuse to shrug and say, “Well, that’s just my flesh,” like it’s a difficult coworker I’m not responsible for supervising. It reminds me why I need Jesus, why I need His grace, and why I have to keep bringing my choices back to Him.

I’m Tammy, the woman behind The Struggling Christian. I’m trying to build a closer relationship with God while working, paying bills, and dealing with a brain that apparently believes worrying counts as a second job.

I know my walk takes dedication. I can’t keep giving God whatever attention is left after I’ve given everything else my whole day, then act surprised when I feel disconnected.

Wonderful. Another honest conversation with myself. Those are always a delight.

But being tired is real. Wanting to shut everything off is real. Sometimes I’m not looking for a distraction because I don’t care about my faith. I’m looking because I’m worn out, and scrolling asks considerably less of me than facing what’s going on inside my own head.

Still, I don’t want to stay there.

Sometimes dedication looks like putting down the phone and opening my Bible before I feel motivated. Sometimes it’s praying, “Lord, I’m tired, distracted, and my attitude is doing that thing again. Help me.”

Not eloquent. But at least we’re being honest.

I’m learning that I can admit this is hard without giving myself a permanent permission slip to quit trying. I need rest. I need grace. I also occasionally need to tell myself, “Tammy. The driveway is clean. Put the phone down.”

These designs come from that life. Loving Jesus, getting distracted, finding my way back, and learning to follow through instead of just having excellent intentions.

The Struggling Christian isn’t about being proud of staying stuck. It’s about being honest about the struggle and dedicated enough to keep walking.

Even when my feet hurt.

And my attitude arrives before I do.